Losing Spock
by JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: Spock takes a fatal shot meant for Kirk. Much angst results. Kirk and Spock friendship, Spock/Uhura relationship


Jim's hands were sticky with green blood. He tore off his undershirt and tore it up to press against the gaping wound in his first officers side. Spock had taken a phaser wound to the side protecting Jim from rogue aliens who had disrupted a negotiation the two officers were conducting with the Ash people. The aliens had scattered and Jim had dragged Spock back to the shuttle while firing back like crazy. They made it away and he swiftly punched in the destination and put it on autopilot, rushing to attend to his bleeding first officer.

When he saw how bad it was, fear gripped his heart. The shuttle ride would be a good hour and Spock didn't have that long. He cursed the stupid planet for having an atmosphere that would not allow the use of transporter. Spock looked grey and wan. "Captain", he gasped, "this wound is fatal. I will not survive the return journey." Jim's face crumpled. "No! Spock don't say that!," he demanded, "You've got to make it! Bones will take care of you! I can't lose the best first officer in the fleet!" (And one of my best friends,) he added silently, still holding pressure on the wound.

"Jim," Spock repeated, an almost sad look on his face, "I have only minutes left, at most. Please do not strain yourself in a futile effort. Tell Nyota I love her and our child..."

Tears filled Jim's eyes. He was losing him. "You tell her yourself!", the captain cried desperately, hoping to motivate Spock to hold on a little longer. Spock looked almost peaceful now. "I have...many times...through our bond." He closed his eyes. "She will appreciate hearing it...in person."

Jim could feel Spock's pulse slowing. His heart broke, knowing he was about to say goodbye to the man who balanced his hot headedness with calm logic and had shared so many joys and sorrows. To think he had once thought him cold and emotionless! "She's going to skewer me for letting you get killed, Spock! I should have been the one to take the shot," he reasoned, anguish in his voice.

He almost thought he saw Spock smile. "She...will not run you through. Nyota understands." He looked at Jim earnestly. "Please, Jim, promise me my bond mate will be looked after. I do not wish her to bear this alone." Jim swallowed a sob and nodded his head. "I promise, Spock. It's the least I can do. Now I know how you felt in front of the radiation chamber. It sucks, watching your friend die." More tears fell. Spock looked up at him, struggling to get his fingers into the Vulcan salute. "Live long...and...prosper..." he managed, barely audible. Jim returned it, just like he had five years ago when he was the one fading out of life. Seconds later, Spock was gone, his faint breaths no longer there. Jim numbly felt the lack of a pulse and succumbed to grief, screaming at the heavens.

He piloted the shuttle to the Enterprise and guided it into the bay. The doors closed behind him and he slumped in his seat, unable to look at the body in the back. Jim wearily commed his CMO. "Please report to the shuttle bay with a gurney, Doctor. We've got a casualty." "Yes, Captain, On our way." Bones answered in the resigned tone that told him he already knew.

Nyota. Oh No. She must have felt the bond break. Jim put his head in his hands and groaned. How could he ever look her in the eye again? Because of him, she was a widow and her child would never know its father. Just like me, Kirk thought. Why did people have to die for him?

He opened the hatch and climbed out of the shuttle, just in time to meet the small group that met him. Bones, Chapel and Uhura were standing there with the gurney. Jim was shirtless, streaked with green blood and dirt. "I'm sorry, guys, he's gone. I failed." He said miserably, staring at the floor. What did one say at a time like this? He was clueless. "Did you get hit, Jim?", asked Bones, eyeing him with concern. "Not a scratch," Jim said with a lump the size of Texas in his throat. "He jumped in front of me. Took a shot close to the heart. I tried to stop the bleeding, but..." He cut off on a sob. "I'm so sorry, Uhura. I'm so sorry."

Her eyes were red and tears dampened her cheeks, but she stepped forward and wrapped her arm around him in a side hug. "Jim, it's not your fault. He reacted instinctively. There's no way he was going to let you die on him again. And you kept him alive long enough to ease the bond-breaking enough that it wouldn't physically harm me or the baby. I might be in a coma right now if you hadn't held him together. It hurts like crazy, doesn't it?", she whispered. Jim nodded. He couldn't speak without breaking down.

They turned around as the medical team emerged from the shuttle with the body bag, Solemnly depositing it on the gurney. Uhura gripped his arm. "Do you want to see him?", Jim managed. She nodded. They slowly approached the gurney as Bones was strapping the body-Spock's body- down. He looked up and practically read their minds. "I'll unzip the face. You really don't want to look any further until I can get him cleaned up."

Uhura sucked in a breath when Spock's face was exposed. He looked peaceful. There was nothing but a spot of blood by his mouth to indicate the violence of his death.

Uhura ran her fingers over his lifeless face, murmuring Vulcan words Jim couldn't catch. She bent down and kissed his cold forehead.

"Ashayam," she whispered.

Presently, she closed the bag back over him and turned toward the doctor. "Take good care of him, Leonard," she said shakily. Jim stepped up beside her. "I'm going to escort the lieutenant to her quarters, write up the report and notify the ambassador." "Okay, Jim," Bones looked haggard and sad, staring down at the body bag. It reminded him all too much of another such bag that had contained one of his friends. "Just put a shirt on BEFORE you talk to Sarek,"he called after Jim, "He'll have enough trauma already."

Jim shook his head and choked back a hysterical sob/laugh. Poor Bones hadn't meant to be funny in the midst of tragedy, but it came out that way. He and Uhura walked silently back through the Enterprise, stopping just outside the doors that adjoined his. He couldn't imagine how painful it would be to walk back in there now. "Don't hesitate to let me know if you need something, Uhura. I promised him you wouldn't be alone through this." He said softly and sincerely, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you, Jim." She said gratefully. "I'm going to try to get some rest before everyone finds out and things really sink in. It still feels...unreal. I keep searching for him in my mind, but there's just a big empty space now." Her eyes welled up. So did Jim's as he watched her eight months pregnant figure disappear into her room. He cried on and off as he showered and dressed, reliving the fatal shot over and over in his head. If he hadn't been caught unawares, if he had just been quicker, Spock might still be alive. He sat down and began to fill out the worst mission report of his life.


End file.
